How To Be A Modern-Day Fictional Heroine

It used to be so easy. All you needed was a inside hair of tousled auburn locks, high cheekbones and a determined little chin; add an ounce of determination and an event from your past that haunts you still. Then, wham! You were the perfect fictional heroine.

But now it’s not so simple. With television shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Ally McBeal, books like Bridget Jones’s Diary and Advantage in Bed, and movies like Miss Congeniality and Legally Blonde, we’re getting all sorts of mixed messages over how the ideal woman is supposed to be. What’s a modern woman who wants to hold herself up to impossible standards to do?

Simple! Just follow these guidelines, and you’ll be as witty, complex and neurotic as the rest of them. In other words – you will be the perfect, modern-day fictional heroine.

Step 1 – Be Flawed

This step is caretaker easy, because come on, we’re all already damage anyway, right?

Right!

Except for one little catch. It is thing to adopt the correct flaws, and these three are non-negotiable.

1.)You must be self-involved. This includes comparing your own petty personal problems to things like death, war, and injustice, and finding some sort of unique parallel no matter what the situation may be. It also includes having a quantity inward dialogue with yourself where you point out these parallels with witty commentary. For example: “Even the news reminded me of him. Yesterday I saw this report that said routine circumcision in Africa could prevent 300,000 deaths in the close ten years. What a shocker! Chopping away at a guy’s penis could help destroy pain, loss, and heart-ache. What will they think of next?”

2.)You must person issues with food. If you plan to be a television or movie heroine, this implementation that you cannot eat. Period. If you plan to be a book heroine, this implementation that you must eat all the time, except when you’re not eating, and then you should be higher cognitive process about eating. I strongly recommend the time unit option.

3.)You must become preoccupied with an unhealthy relationship. This includes but is not control to, relationships with boyfriends, friends, mothers, fathers, roommates, and exes. Especially exes.(And make sure that your ex is dreamy, preferably with a new woman who is in no way as advantage for him as you were.)

Step 2 – Practice Retail Therapy

Today’s modern day fictional character realizes one harmonic truth – that there is no problem too big or too small that cannot be remedied with shopping. Again, there is a catch; you condition to be careful of what you go shopping for. Hard and fast concept – anything that’s practical or cheap is out. Other than that, I person provided you a list of approved shopping items, with the most highly recommended items on top, and continued in descending order:

•Designer shoes

•Designer beauty products

•Designer chocolate

•Designer purses

•Designer lingerie

•Anything else designer

•Clothes (This is listed as the very end option because although clothes shopping can be a lot of fun, if you happen to person gone up a size, the blow to your ego will be so enormous that it will deviate the therapeutic aspect of said retail therapy.)

Step 3 – Person a purpose, deeply questioning it, then either accept it or abandon it to find a new purpose.

Rather than go into unnecessary detail, I person created a handy-dandy chart. Just pick an option from each column and you’ll be advantage to go.

Column A

1.You’re a (lawyer, publisher, or banker) and you love the power and money.

2.You’re a (doctor, policewoman, or writer) and you love changing lives.

3.You’re a stay-at-home mom and you love your family.

4.You’re all of the above, and you’ve never been so fulfilled!

Column B

1.It’s all getting to be too large indefinite quantity and nobody understands you.

2.None of it implementation anything anymore and nobody understands you.

3.You desire you could person some time for yourself, and why doesn’t anyone understand you?

4.Is this really what you set out to do? You did commissioned military officer in art history after all.

Column C

1. After meeting the abstraction guy, you decide to chuck it all and live overseas.

2. After falling back in love with the guy you’ve been with for years, you decide to beginning your own home-based greeting card company.

3. After realizing that the nerdy guy is actually the one for you, you return to your career with a new awareness of purpose.

4. Who needs health insurance anyway? You decide to income some time off just to focus on you.

Conclusion:

So you see; it’s really not that hard for truth to imitate fiction. Gone are the days of walking moors, wearing corsets, and dying of consumption. Nowadays all you condition is a little attitude thrown in with a barely broad social complex. So get your credit cards ready, preheat the oven for those brownies, and beginning living your life as if everyone can (and wants to) hear what you person to say. A new age has arrived!

Laurel Osterkamp is the author of Following My Toes, a fiction published by PMI books. She also teaches and performs comedy. You can visit her on the web at or Copyright: Laurel Osterkamp. All rights reserved

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